I Miss You
by Cheyne
Summary: Kanda mourns years erased by the death of a close friend. This story contains spoilers, so if you're not familiar with the anime after episode 37 or so, I'd avoid it! Shounen ai, OT3


A/N: This story took me about 30 minutes to write - I composed it right after watching the episodes Daisya appears in. For some reason his death disturbed me greatly, so I figured it would make a good subject for a story. I hope you enjoy it!

The streets of Barcelona were dark and deserted. It had been over a day since they'd found him, since he'd died. Kanda was nearly beside himself, but refused to talk to Marie or the Marshal about it at all. Instead, he wandered off alone, returning to the place where the body had been found.

_It wasn't him anymore,_ the swordsman thought dully, looking up at the place where the monster who'd killed him had tied him. _He was already gone… and his Innocence with him._ He closed his eyes and turned his face to the side, gritting his teeth as the memory washed over him.

_"That's Daisya's golem,"_ Marie had said, his voice oddly flat.

Kanda had barely been able to bring himself to look up. It was only when they took him down that he was able to look at him again, somehow unwilling – or unable – to see his friend in such a state. Daisya had always been so alive, so on the edge, so _damn_ annoying –

And yet, Kanda had been unable to hate him. Somehow it seemed fitting that someone who teetered on the perilous edge of sanity had been the first person who had been able to befriend the cold, stoic swordsman… and now he was gone, and there was nothing to be done for it.

After a few moments, Kanda turned and began walking away, heading for the tunnel that he'd been in when Daisya had been killed. It seemed a good place to hide, especially since he was hardly in the mood to see _anyone_. He had almost made it to the tunnel when he heard footsteps running behind him, and when he stopped walking they stopped as well.

"Kanda…"

The Japanese exorcist turned in surprise, his eyes widening. "What are you doing here?"

Allen bit his lip, arms at his sides as he looked at Kanda. "Lenalee and I heard about the trouble here while we were traveling… but it looks like we were too late to be of any use."

Kanda stared at him for a moment, then turned away and briefly lifted his hand to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. The unpleasant image of Allen hanging in the same way Daisya had been formed in his mind, making him sick to his stomach. "You should go," he managed to say, his voice harsh. "You've got a job to do, moyashi."

The younger boy walked forward and hesitantly put his hand on Kanda's shoulder. "You're shaking… I'm not leaving you like this!"

"Just go, damn you!" Kanda yelled, his voice echoing through the empty streets. "Do your job and don't worry about me!"

Allen shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "Come on." He moved his hand from Kanda's shoulder to his wrist and pulled him into the tunnel where he'd originally been seeking sanctuary. "Lenalee and I are leaving at sunrise… until then, I'm staying with you."

It was hard to see anything at all in the tunnel, and Kanda was mortally glad of that. For all he yelled at Allen to leave, to go and do his job… Allen was one of the only people he would allow near him at a time like this. The other was far away, and Kanda hadn't heard from him in quite some time. His heart clenched when that horrible mental picture returned. _No, no, NO!_ he yelled silently. _That won't happen! Not to Lavi… not to Allen! I'll die before I let it happen!_ And, most likely, die before letting either of them know about his vow to keep them safe.

Allen eased him down on the walkway, leaning back against the wall with him and sitting close. "You don't have to say anything," he said quietly. "I just…"

"Want to help," Kanda finished coolly. "I know." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the stone wall, wishing for a split second that he could allow himself to show weakness. There had been too many people around when they'd discovered Daisya's body, and all he could do was bow his head and hide behind his hair. Since then, he hadn't been left alone for more than two minutes… there was never enough time to grieve.

The younger boy seemed to understand. He didn't make any move to touch him until a soft sound he couldn't hold back escaped, and when he gently wrapped him in an embrace it was over. Kanda couldn't even remember the last time he'd wept, and he felt like a true idiot for doing so now – Daisya would have laughed himself sick at the very idea. The thought of finding Allen or Lavi like that was too much, though, and there was nothing else he could do. If he didn't let it out now, it might return later at an inopportune time… and he couldn't afford that kind of weakness.

It could have been moments or hours later, but when Kanda had been quiet for a bit Allen finally spoke. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I think I'm a poor substitute for Lavi… he would know exactly what to say right now, wouldn't he?"

"Shut up," Kanda murmured, all the strength in his voice completely gone. "You're not a poor substitute for anyone."

Allen smiled faintly and rested his chin on Kanda's head, letting the older boy lean against him. "I'm glad," he whispered.

When morning came, Kanda stood by Marie and watched as Allen and Lenalee spoke with Tiedoll. It wouldn't be long now before they left, and he had one more thing to worry about. They stood slowly and said their farewells, and then Allen turned back to look at him. He said nothing, but nodded and smiled that faint, sweet smile that he seemed to keep back for Kanda and Lavi alone.

Kanda closed his eyes briefly and nodded, then turned away as the two exorcists walked into the sunrise. Tiedoll had said their road would be long and hard, and for one wild moment Kanda wanted to chase after them and go with them, just so he could see for himself that Allen would remain safe.

_Duty comes first,_ he told himself as he walked in the opposite direction with Marie and Tiedoll. _Whoever you are… if you so much as touch Allen or Lavi, I swear it…_

_I will kill you._


End file.
